Peter Snow to revamp BBC weather map and graphics

Less than two weeks after launching its new weather map the BBC has
hired media statistician and analyst Peter Snow to redesign it.

The new map, which uses 3D representations of the weather, caused much
confusion across the British Isles. Now a more serious challenge has
emerged: viewers in Scotland and the north of England have complained
that the map focusses on southern England and does not give enough
prominence to their region.

Hamish McFadden of Aberdeen told our reporter that Aberdonians were
incensed. "Och, it's bad enough having oor weather as it is, but no'
being able to see it on that wretched map is salt in the wound," he
complained, while Douglas Ramsbottom of Goole said he believes it is
just further proof of a southern plot to take over the entire country.

"First it was sissy southern things like wine bars and sushi - I mean,
what self-respecting northerner would want to seen in a wine bar or
eating raw fish?" he said. "And look at Coronation Street - it's more
like Cockneynation Street now. Them southerners is just trying to take
over everything, including the weather."

BBC spokeswoman Brenda Shuttleworth denied that the BBC has any
southern bias, and noted that many of the remaining BBC staff are
actually to be moved to Manchester, once they have found out where it
is. She said that the corporation is always responsive to its viewers,
and that as a result of the complaints about the new map it had been
decided to do a further redesign.

Once the decision had been taken, the choice of Mr Snow was obvious,
she said, given his recent performances during the British general
election and the US presidential election. "Not only that but he's a
real trouper," she added, noting his recent brushes with decapitation
and spontaneous combustion.

Mr Snow told our reporter that he is delighted with the assignment. He
said that he already had some preliminary ideas, including animated
Snow-men ("no pun intended"), an animated Jack Frost sweeping across
high ground, and real sparks to simulate lightning strokes. He added
that regrettably the BBC had turned down his suggestion to use
sprinklers to simulate rain on the grounds that they had not been able
to afford coverage for flood perils in their insurance. He did,
however, say that he was contemplating a specially modified
swingometer to show day-to-day variations in rainfall and sunshine.

Finally, he noted, Scotland was to be lopped off the map and put in
the Bay of Biscay, just to show that there really is no southern bias.