"Sancho, will you have the sandbags in place by April 22?"
"I believe so--expecting an Earth Day flood?"
"No, but please make sure the bags are sturdy, Sancho."
"What's the problem? Is it the rains?"
'No, Sancho."
"The funnel cloud formations propagating faster than you thought,
Quixote?"
"No."
"Fear of deadly Pacific storms?"
"No."
"The dying deciduous trees collapsing down upon us?"
"No. Oh that reminds me, Sancho, see if you can get me more wood for
the fireplace."
"You are a true citizen of Gaia--so why the Earth Day
deadline--Quixote?"
"My friends and I are going to have a get-together here and I want
the bunker flood walls completed in time."
"You are celebrating Earth Day with a storm bunker? Sounds like you,
Quixote."
"Sancho, we're having a bit of a fete--sort of a 'Roast the
Earth' get-together--all in good fun."
"Who will be running the blood sucking booth? Or did you put the nix
on that one for Earth Day?"
"We are not crooks, Sancho."
"I see, Quixote. So this Earth Day fete is a little bit of
lighthearted juke for you and your friends. And the theme spoofs global
warming?"
"They've been spoofing Earth Day for years, Sancho. No reason for
you to be so sanctimonious."
"So why did they invite you this time, Quixote? They have never
invited you before?"
"I'm the master of ceremonies. They want to thank me for another
year of inaction on global warming. We're calling the party: 'A Cap
and Trade Jamboree'."
"So there is a lot of buffoonery, nonsense, and tall tales followed
by excuses, hand-wringing, and concerned looks when it's done."
"Humor, music--that kind of thing--but the talent show will be the
focus."
"Quixote, what kind of talent are these people going to display
besides how to portray the deaf, dumb, and blind chimps while dressed
in Armani?"
"First we start with the Oil and Gas Soft Shoe Singers doing the tune
'Don't Worry, Be Happy'. Then we follow it with the Cyclical
Pundits retelling tricky patter on climate from TV news shows and Wall
Street Journal editorials."
"Oh that will be funny."
"Precisely--then we have the Dancing Economists on the wonders of
societal rigidity sponsored by Viagra and Exxon/Mobil."
"Presumably the economists will climax their ditty by impaling Gaia
from all sides."
"With stock certificates, junk bonds, and little oil wells."
"Who will cast the first coal?"
"Coal has another little skit. They will do it with the boys from
nuclear. The gang will dress up like The Rolling Stones--some of them
glowing of course--and sing 'Under My Thumb'."
"So your Earth Day celebration is shaping up to be sort of a nihilist
folly?"
"Then for the teens, we have puppet show called Strings and Media.
They are my favorite."
"Why is that, Quixote?"
"They do a very funny comedy rap routine called 'Impress, Express,
Digress, Redress, and Repress'."
"It will have 'em rolling in the aisles."
"We tag on that with The Minstrel Trailers."
"I shudder to ask."
"A bunch of the guys and gals from FEMA will dress up in blackface
and tap dance to an updated version of 'The Battle of New
Orleans'."
"Propriety be damned, Quixote?"
"Oh then there is the Windup Academics--they do this wonderful act in
mime--with their palms out."
"So the whole range of social degradation caused by inept leadership,
displayed for the purpose of...policy-maker dispensation?"
"No, it's all for fun. Wait until you see the updated version of
'Waiting for Godot'. The play has been recast with some of the
senior managers from NOAA, NASA, and NSF. One gal dresses in a lab coat
and shows up with a report that proves global warming. They immediately
send her to a park bench where she waits for funding that never
arrives."
"Your dada would be proud, Quixote."
"Don't be so parochial, Sancho. Oh, and then we have a group of
shill-scientists doing a formation ballet with hockey sticks to the
tune of 'Luck be a Lady'."
"How about you, Quixote, what will you do besides your MC shtick?"
"I'm working with the Cap and Trade Conmen--it's a group of DC
lobbyists. We're going to do a spoof on responsibility. In it, we
keep adding and subtracting numbers so nothing gets done."
"So art does mimic real life."
"What does that mean?"
"Can I go back to stacking sand bags now, Quixote?"
"Then there are the dancing girls in grass skirts."
"That's a bit risqué isn't it, Quixote?"
"They dance in a deep pool, and as they dance, we slowly fill the
pool. It is going to be funny to see the look on their faces when they
realize they can't swim with those heavy grass skirts."
"Wit déclassé--whose idea was that one, Quixote? You?"
"Actually, some of the guys from the think tanks came up with that
one. I could never come up with something as warped as that."
"Quixote, all you'd need is the funding. Are the dancers forced to
disrobe so they do not drown?"
"Well the name of the skit is 'Sink or Swim', Sancho."
"Which just happens to be your friends' global warming strategy--so
are there plans to throw environmentalists to the lions?"
"My friends and I have risen well beyond that kind of Romanesque
entertainment, Sancho."
"Time for me to stack sand bags, Quixote."
"Oh, Sancho, you need to hear this one: When the girls are done, we
release water from the side of the pool. Anyone who can't get out of
the way washes down the muddy hillside hitting the bunker. We're
calling it 'Love Your Levee, or Leave It'."
"Won't your friends balk at that embarrassment?"
"I'm not stupid, Sancho. We're opening the sidewall where the
wait staff has a break area. Can't let those servers get too
comfortable."
"You have a remarkable hold on reality, Quixote--but isn't a
mini-flood dangerous?"
"We will make sure no one gets hurt, Sancho. It isn't like a real
flood."
"How good of you."
"Then for the kids, we have the whale hunt, the seal bashing, and my
favorite: the coral kill."
"Coral kill, Quixote?"
"The kids get balloons filled with hot water. They throw them at
different colored sugar sculptures that look like coral. First one to
collapse their local ecosystem wins."
"You are making me ill, Quixote."
"Another favorite for the kids will be the 'Aerosol Rag'."
"As in asthma?"
"A pianist with an air tank pounding out 'Love Is In The Air'."
"Why are your friends so perverse, Quixote?"
"Sancho, do you think global warming is easy for us?"
"You mean condemning their fellow humans to misery and death from
global warming bothers them, Quixote?"
"Don't be a servant for a moment, will you, Sancho?"
"I get it--there's concern about cutting GHG emissions by 75%
within a decade."
"You know, I could put you on as a comedian."
"I'll pass. So what are your friends' stressors?"
"Portfolios are at risk. Fortunes are waiting to be stolen. Resources
still need to be plundered--also--it's not easy making decisions on
which companies should prosper and which ones should die."
"To say nothing of the people."
"Exactly, Sancho."
"The strain on you and your friends certainly does appear to be
taking a toll, Quixote. Will you be serving snacks, Thorazine, or just
barbequing the poor?"
"Wait till you hear the finale: a tribute to junior with the tune
'Mack the Knife'."
"Very fitting--and it sounds like a fun time for your friends,
Quixote."
"Do you really think so, Sancho?"
"Quixote, there is no doubt in my mind this Earth Day gala of yours
is precisely their idea of fun."

Peace,
D.H. Gottlieb
www.thegalileosyndrome.com