Here is a record of events that take place a few years hence. This
document somehow found its way to me via some sort of rift in time:

(1) The River Thames turned to blood. Friends of the Earth blamed it on
fracking whilst UKIP said it was due to wind-farms slaughtering birds.
The BNP claimed Enoch Powell had risen from the dead and would lead
everyone to glory - as long as they were white, heterosexual, Christian,
etc.

(2) There was a plague of frogs. This was exacerbated through
the border police being on strike (along with the few other
remaining public servants) because of wage-freezes and the falling value
of the pound. The army was called out to send the frogs back through the
Channel Tunnel.

(3) An unprecidented increase in the number of lice finally led to
the return of the nit-nurse. However, few people could afford to make
use of the treatment for their children now that the NHS was no longer
free. This privatisation of the NHS had long been known to be the policy
of the leaders of the "Leave" campaign and so the protests against it,
many from those who had voted for a Brexit, seemed very perverse.

(4) Swarms of flies made life uncomfortable for many people. This
problem was blamed by Jeremy Corbyn on a massive increase in
fly-tipping following the councils' charging for rubbish collection by
weight. However, FoE blamed it all on Global Warming. UKIP tried to
think of a reason for blaming it wind-farms but eventually gave up and
went for a drink instead.

(5) Outbreaks of foot-and-mouth, scrapie, swine fever, fowl pest, etc.
ran out of control. Jeremy Corbyn blamed it on the cost-cutting in the
veterinary service, FoE blamed it on fracking and Global Warming whilst
Niggle Farridge blamed it on illegal immigrants smuggling diseased
animals into the country.

(6) Mysterious outbreaks of boils affected the whole population.
Nobody knew who to blame for it but Parliament no longer held sittings
- they had standings instead.

(7) Violent thunderstorms with record-sized hailstones killed thousands.
FoE blamed Global Warming. The newly-formed Church of the Repentant
Brexiteers claimed God was punishing the country for leaving the
promised land (also known as the EU) and identified Niggle Farridge as
the Anti-Christ.

(8) Hordes of locusts swept across the country, devouring any crops not
destroyed by the storms and hail. FoE blamed Global Warming. UKIP blamed
wind-farms for killing all the birds that would have eaten the locusts.
Members of the Church of Repentant Brexiteers covered themselves with
sackcloth and ashes after the hailstorms and didn't notice the locusts
so didn't blame anyone.

(9) There then followed three days of darkness. Everyone blamed the
Church of the Repentant Brexiteers, saying it was all due to the
smoke from their over-production of ashes.

(10) Finally, the first-born of every family mysteriously died at
midnight. Not only them but the first-born of all the cattle. By this
time, everyone had completely lost their senses, blamed everyone else
for the troubles and took to the streets slaughtering everyone in
sight.

Before all of these events, the Scots had built a wall in order to keep
English and Welsh refugees from crossing the border. A suggestion in
the Scottish Parliament that it should be named the Trump Wall was
howled down and it was named the Salmond Wall instead.

Guards along the wall had been repelling insurgents for a long while
when suddenly all raids stopped. Survey parties were sent out and found
that there were no human beings left alive south of the wall. Teams
were sent south to bury the dead and take care of the surviving
livestock. Some Scots then moved south permanently to take ownership
of the land.

The madness that had afflicted people in England and Wales had not
taken hold in Northern Ireland and so those Protestants who so wished,
were invited by the Scots to live in the former countries of England and
Wales, now known as Greater Scotland. Only a minority took advantage of
this offer, mainly from the older generation, the rest preferring to
stay in the new United Ireland.

As Scotland had been accepted back as an EU member after Independence,
and, of course, Ireland had remained a member, the whole of the British
Isles were now restored to full membership.

And everybody lived happily ever after.


--
Graham P Davis, Bracknell, Berks. [Retd meteorologist/programmer]
http://www.scarlet-jade.com/
I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.
Posted with Claws: http://www.claws-mail.org/